


Cuddle Me or Die

by TheCatholicFanGirl



Series: 712 More Things To Write About [3]
Category: Original Work
Genre: 712 More Things To Write About, Brokeback mountain - Freeform, Bryan kills a bear, Dialogue Heavy, Gen, Idiots, M/M, Star Trek - Freeform, Star Wars - Freeform, Swearing, They go camping, a lot of swearing, boys are idiots
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-13
Updated: 2015-02-13
Packaged: 2018-03-12 04:09:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3343151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheCatholicFanGirl/pseuds/TheCatholicFanGirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“It was a part of the camping experience.”</p><p>	“And guess what? So is this, cuddle me or die.”</p><p>	There was a long pause as Collin added another handful of twigs to the flame.</p><p>	“There’s a third option.”</p><p>	“SLEEPING IN THE BEAR YOU GUNNED DOWN IN FRONT OF THE BEAR CUBS IS NOT AN OPTION, HAN SOLO.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cuddle Me or Die

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: Two friends have trekked for two days to a back-country campsite. They are alone and realize on the second night their food supply has been spoiled. What is the conversation that night as the temperature drops?

“I’m not gonna do it.”

            “Collin, c’mon. No one has to know.”

            “I will know, you will know, that bear will know!”

            “The bear is kind of dead, it wouldn’t know, so…”

            “So what? I’m not going to go all _STAR WARS_ on you by sleeping inside of a dead bear.”

            “It’s the only way to keep warm.”

            “What and we can’t share a sleeping bag, but we can share the carcass of a _dead bear?_ Your struggle to remain to be seen as ‘straight’ concerns me, Bryan.”

            Bryan sighed and dropped his head.

            “We are in the fucking back country and you’re more concerned about not cuddling me. What the shit?”

            “You’re just not thinking straight because you’re hungry.”

            Collin laughed. “Because _someone_ decided to take our food and go deep sea diving, and spoil the food for the rest of the trip!”

            “It wasn’t deep sea diving, it was just to cross the river.”

            “THE BRIDGE WAS LITERALLY FOUR FEET AWAY FROM WHERE YOU CROSSED. I FUCKING CROSSED THE BRIDGE WHILE I WATCHED YOUR DUMBASS SPLASH IN THE RIVER.YOU EVEN SAID AND I QUOTE: ‘SPLISH SPLASH, MOTHER FUCKER.”

            “It was a part of the camping experience.”

            “And guess what? So is this, cuddle me or die.”

            There was a long pause as Collin added another handful of twigs to the flame.

            “There’s a third option.”

            “SLEEPING IN THE BEAR YOU GUNNED DOWN IN FRONT OF THE BEAR CUBS IS NOT AN OPTION, HAN SOLO.”

            “Those were bear cubs?”

            “NO DUMBASS, THEY WERE TRIBBLES WITH ARMS AND SHARP TEETH CRYING OVER THEIR ADOPTIVE MOTHER, MRS. THE BEAR, BEFORE YOU DECIDED TO TAKE THE POTS AND PANS, BANG ON THEM, WHICH WAS NOT THEIR INTENDED USE, AND SCARE THEM AWAY.”

            “What were we going to use the pots and pans for anyways? Hmm?”

            “To cook the food that you decided to swim with.”

            “Ah, see I found a new use for them!”

            Collin sobbed.

            “Why are you crying?”

            “Because you’re so stupid, Bryan. I can’t believe an idiot like you convinced an idiot like me to go camping with your dumbass. You can’t even boil water correctly.”

            “Enough with how incompetent I am! I am completely un-incompetent!”

            “You just drop the i-n, Bryan.” Colling muttered.

            “Look! I gathered us some berries.”

            “And the only reason why I haven’t thanked you for the berries is because they’re poison.”

            Bryan paused and looked at the cloth bag that held the berries. “Like how poisonous are these berries?”

            Collin watched the meager fire burn another handful of twigs so thin they could be grass. “How many did you eat?”

            “Like five…”

            “Berries?”

            “Handfuls.”

            “First off, you left me with one handful, not cool. Secondly, the bear will smell nicer than what’s going to come out of your ass.”

            “Am I going to die?”

            Collin sighed and looked up at the stars. “We’ll wake early tomorrow and head north, we’ll be able to find the road from there and all roads lead to a town, which has hospitals.”

            “But am I going to die?”

            “From diarrhea? Not immediately. But if we don’t get you proper medical care soon, you’ll die from dehydration.”

            “I’m going to die from shitting too much? Fuck me.”

            “Probably not the best idea.”

            “Now is not the time to be making jokes, Collin.”

            “It so is, but c’mon let’s get into the tent.” Collin rose and noticed Bryan didn’t follow suit. “Come on, please.”

            “I’m scared.”

            “Scared of what?”

            “To… cuddle.”

            “Really?”

            “Yeah, I mean… I kind of have a thing about intimacy.”

            “We literally just talked about you having diarrhea and taking you to a hospital to treat you.”

            “I know! But… that was us just being bros. Cuddling will make us forever bros, or it’ll make us not bros if you don’t like how I cuddle.”

            “You’re scared of losing me if we cuddle?”

            “Yah…”

            “You’re more scared of losing me than losing your life?”

            “Yeah…”

            “That’s actually kind of… sweet.” Collin cleared his throat. “In a manly way.”

            “Oh yeah, totally manly.”

            “Well, I promise that I won’t mind how you cuddle me, and we’ll still stay bros.”

            “Really?”

            “Really, as long as you don’t go all Brokeback Mountain on me.”

            “What’s that?”

            “Brokeback Mountain?”

            “Yeah.”

            “Oh… it’s about two dudes like us…”

            “Yeah.”

            “They go camping together, occasionally.”

            “Oh, that sounds cool.”

            “Yeah, I’ll be Jack, and you can be Ennis.”

            “That’s the characters?”

            “Yeah.”

            “Cool, Ennis… heh, sounds like a pansy.”

            Collin snorted. “Yeah…”

            “What’s so funny?”

            “Nothing, c’mon let’s get some sleep.”

**Author's Note:**

> I'm on Tumblr! Same name and stuff...


End file.
